This is #24 of an ongoing series of moral and ethical discussion starters from the case files of Charis Denison. These situations are very real and are changed monthly. Please try them out with your students and share your results with us. You can find the complete archive of dilemmas here.

THE SITUATION
(present this to your students)

           “Omigod. That is so retarded!”
            Katy cringed. She hated that word. She knew it was meant as a joke but it wasn’t a joke to her because it made fun of people who had done nothing to deserve it and have no choice. She thought about how many times a day she heard that word. And that wasn’t the only word that made her cringe these days. If she heard the word “gay” one more time used to mean someone was stupid or weird she was going to scream. Ever since her fifth grade social studies teacher spent a lesson on language and how words shape how we see the world, she started seeing examples everywhere that proved him right. But now that she realized all this, what was she supposed to do?
            The following week, Katy was in the cafeteria when she heard a friend at her table complain that the science teacher was making him stay after school to take a test. “And I even told him I would miss basketball practice. Mr. Swenson is such a retard.”
            “Can you stop saying that word, Matt? It’s not fair.” Katy froze. She couldn’t believe she had just spoken. The words came out without thinking first. Everyone stopped and looked at her.
            “What is your problem?” Matt asked. Katy felt her face get hot.
            “Yeah, Katy, it’s just a joke. Lighten up,” someone else said as others nodded in agreement. “Everyone says it.”
            The conversation moved forward, but Katy’s face stayed hot and she felt alone and ganged up on. She didn’t want other people to make fun of her, but she also felt like if she didn’t speak up about this sort of thing she would also feel bad. Even if using words like “retarded” and “gay” didn’t make things worse in the world, it surely wouldn’t make things better.
            Katy felt weird by speaking up. And she felt weird by staying silent. Why did all this seem so clear to her social studies teacher and not to her? And most importantly, what should she do?

 

For an archive of previous dilemmas, click here.

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After initially teaching middle and high school English and Creative Writing, Charis began to develop curricula and publish articles related to social justice, ethics, human development, community involvement, and experiential education.  She has received national recognition for her work in those fields, as well as for her community-based work with American teens and Tibetan refugees in Central Asia.

Charis co-wrote Tolerance for Others, a middle school human development text, with Leni Wildflower.  She currently works as the national Service-Learning consultant for the Durango Institute for Co-Curricular Education.

Charis also teaches at Marin Academy in San Rafael, California, and runs Prajna Consulting.  Through Prajna she consults with schools, parents, students, and businesses both organizationally and individually.  Charis also facilitates workshops and speaks on a wide variety of topics.

Charis can be reached at:
cdenison@prajnaconsulting.com

NOTES FOR THE FACILITATOR
(this is for you)

I am sure all of us have grappled with this issue on some level in our work with youth.  It always surprises me that even with my seniors, I still struggle to gain mutual understanding from some students about the power of using terms like “gay” or “retarded” as an insult or in a deliberately derogatory way. There is a disconnect from young people that must be connected and it takes patience and tenacity. The great thing is that on any developmental level, once young people get it, they get it. They get it across the board, can come up with other examples (“bitch” for example), and begin to feel more and more comfortable calling each other out on it. This confidence in calling each other out truly builds each time and is contagious. 

I like to compare it to the larger issue of social justice. Often when we begin an action based on our sense of what is right, we may feel that action is small, insignificant, or even silly. Often we feel self conscious or insecure. But, if we persevere because we know our actions are right, each time we make that action, the understanding of its significance deepens. It is like a “moral muscle”. Each act gives us more confidence and a stronger belief in ourselves and our growing beliefs. Thus, the cycle begins again. We see another opportunity to right a wrong, and now have a bit more trust in our values and we make another small act.

Many students will argue that these words have no power. I find it most effective to facilitate a conversation in this arena that consists of at least five questions for every statement. For example, “I hear that when you say ‘gay’ you just mean ‘dumb’. What impact might hearing that word in that context have on someone questioning their sexuality, or to someone who cares about someone who is really gay?” Or, “When does slang become slander?” ”Would you use the word ‘retarded’ if someone in the room was a person who you suspected might have developmental challenges?” If you keep that up, a few students (if you don’t already have a handful) will begin to do your work for you.

 

ETC.

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For some very helpful articles about conducting productive, lively, meaningful classroom discussions (including Socratic method), click here.

For an archive of previous ethical dilemmas, click here.

For some excellent character education videos and DVD's that will give your students a lot to think about, talk about, and write about, visit Live Wire Media.

© Copyright 2007 Elkind+Sweet Communications, Inc. All rights are reserved. The material in this website is intended for non-commercial educational use. It may not be reprinted on the web or anywhere else without written permission of the publisher.  Please see our terms of use.